A Lucky Break! Part III from Work Fairy Tales (Kryptonite Series)
The VP was feared/hated by many in the company. Maybe for good reason, I don’t know. I didn’t fear, hate or have much of an opinion one way or the other. I did manage to insult him, twice, and it he took it in good stride, so there’s that. Remember my mouth almost always engages before there’s time for the brain to hit edit and this when I do some of my best work.
The first: A good friend of the VP’s also worked for the company and asked me innocently how old I thought he (the VP) was when we were golfing at a work function. (Golfing–at work function (someone please give people a choice between golf and spa already.)* I responded with my usual disclaimer, that I’m really bad at that game and should never work at a carnival guessing people’s ages, weight or height and blurted out (after two mini bottles of vodka**), late 50’s early 60’s. Apparently he was only 41 and just a few years older than me. Trust when someone tells you they’re bad at that game not to push it.
Later that trip the VP came up to me and asked if I’d seen where he left his walker with tennis balls. Busted-what can you do but own it at that point? I laughingly responded (knowing he had three daughters) not to worry, my dad raised three daughters and we aged him too.
*At one point I enjoyed golfing, but somewhere between open heart surgery, breast augmentation and my parents not owning the golf course (apparently you can only play cart polo if your parents own the course), it became less fun. And before you insert eye rolls and disgust, my parents are self-made and instilled the same work ethic in each of their three daughters. I have had a job from the time I was 15 up until recent events. I still have a job, I’m just got getting paid for it yet-so if any agents or publisher are reading-you know the drill!)
**I normally only ordered drinks at work events and did not drink them (a trick my first female manager taught me). It makes people uncomfortable if you don’t order, and if you don’t drink it people can’t talk shit about you. Lesson learned-don’t break own rule. By the end of that trip the rumor mill had me doing a golf foursome on the course behind a tree. Seriously for the amount of sex I was rumored to have you sure as hell would have thought I would have been a lot less bitchy. Oddly Kanye sums it up best:
I don’t know what’s better, getting laid or getting paid
I just know when I’m getting one the other the other’s getting away
Unlike Kanye, I knew which I wanted, to get paid, and it was never from being on my back. I have never dated or slept with a single doctor in over a 15 year career. There it is folks, in writing-do your worst. That said, I wasn’t a saint and I am human (also debatable to some-first boyfriend said they had to cut me open to make sure I actually had a heart-ouch.) Any of that is not germane to this story, yet.
The VP, in the front seat, Muther Chucker, hunched over like a kid too tall for the backseat (Audi A5), and I set off for what was the best day I had with that company. I finally caught a lucky break. Sometimes the stars do align after all.